Earlier today I was talking to Arleen about the awesome turnout religious-themed lectures and classes would get if they used catchier titles. Let’s face it, “Worship, Sacraments, and Liturgy: Theology and Praxis” doesn’t scream of thrills and chills. Utilizing one of my titles below, however, will not only add a little extra spice to the church bulletin or pamphlet, but it will guarantee maximum attendance and that each and every person will be MOTHERFUCKING STOKED AND READY TO LEARN.* If you’re reading this and you’re the parish priest at my church, YOU’RE WELCOME. And sorry for saying, “motherfucking.”
Possible Lecture/Class Titles for Catholics (but this technique can be applied to any lecture or class, regardless of subject matter)
1. The Liturgy: What Up Wit Dat?
2. The Eucharist: Are We a Bunch of Cannibals? (Bonus: you can incorporate the Zombie Jesus meme that’s popular with the young kids these days, thus increasing your target audience. I know, I know–I’m a genius!)
3. Say Whaaaaa? All About Confession
4. Saints: Yeah, They’re Pretty Cool
5. 19 Kids and Counting: Psych!!!! (This one’s about Natural Family Planning.)
6. Who’s Your Daddy? All About the Priesthood
7. Sister Act: The Truth About Nuns
8. A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi: An Ecumenical Discussion
And why we’re on the topic of spicing things up, can there be a rule or something requiring every church choir to sing the Sister Act version of Salve Regina? Do you know how disappointed I get when I hear a choir start to sing that song, ONLY TO REALIZE THEY’RE SINGING IT THE OLD, BORING WAY? I WANT THE CLAPPING, DAMMIT!
*I can’t guarantee jack. Sorry.