So I’m a day late in getting this up, but it turned out to be serendipitous, as it is VALENTINE’S DAY! And what better way to celebrate than to vote on a fictional cage match between those teen heartthrobs that stole our hearts back in the day (read: late 90s/early 00s) as well as today? As always, the score will be settled via a poll. The most votes = the biggest badass. To help you make an informed decision, I will list the pros of each contestant. For tonight’s match, I bring you:
Devon Sawa vs. Darren Criss
I must admit, I’m a little conflicted when it comes to this one. Being a child of the 90s, I feel compelled to side with Sawa. But truth be told, I wasn’t a huge Devon Sawa fan. I fell into the JTT camp
. On the other hand, I find Darren Criss absolutely adorable, and if I were thirteen and in possession of a Glee
-themed Bop Magazine,
his pin-ups would definitely be all over my locker at school. But who the hell cares about me
, amirite? Let’s get to the nitty-gritty.
Devon Sawa made his way into the diaries of girls everywhere when he appeared in the last five minutes of the movie Casper.
I know he was in other movies, like Little Giants, Now and Then,
and Wild America,
but I guarantee you if you ask any girl in her 20s the first thing that pops into her head when you say “Devon Sawa,” it will beCasper
. Trust me on this, okay? I know. I was there.
Darren Criss warbled (See what I did there? Glee pun, LOLZ!) his way into our hearts when he appeared on Glee‘s second season. Dark, handsome, and sort-of-tall (he’s 5’8″ according to IMDB), he brings a sexy, Tom Fordish-kind of vibe into the midst of all the Justin Bieber wannabes and pretty boys currently dotting the teen heartthrob scene.
Both are valiant contenders, but there can only be one winner. So who will it be? Darren Criss or Devon Sawa?
Devon Sawa: Pros
-He’s got tattoos, which, as everybody knows, is a pictorial way of saying you could fuck some shit up.
-He’s Canadian, which throws people off. As soon as you mark him for a pacifist, BAM! You’ve got a broken jaw, courtesy of his RIGHT HOOK.
-He hung out with wild animals on Wild America. Might have even wrestled a bear, I dunno. I’m too lazy to look it up.
Darren Criss: Pros
-He’s half-Filipino, which means scrappiness runs in his blood. This is not me being racist. Have you seen Filipino Mixed Martial Arts
? You don’t want a can ofthat
opened on your ass.
-He can sing, which throws people off. As soon as you mark him as one of those sensitive singer-songwriter types, BAM! He is throwing some mixed martial arts at you and you’re barely alive.
-He’s also half-Irish, and we all know about the notorious Irish temper. Combine that with some mixed martial arts and you will be dead. Okay, that might have sounded a little racist. Sorry. Don’t hate me.