[my dreams, interpreted]

Just for funsies, I like to go on dreammoods.com to try and decode some of the stuff my brain comes up with while I’m unconscious. Most of the time it’s very unhelpful, as I tend to dream about really random shit like convincing a friend to put her dry-clean only pants in the dryer only to have them shrink and then feel bad I made her do it. And then I’ll type “pants” into Dream Moods and come up with this:

“To see or wear pants in your dream suggest that you are questioning your role in some situation. Consider the material and color of the pants for additional interpretation. Alternatively, the dream may be hinting at some sexual matter.

To dream that you are wearing velvet pants signifies your sensual side.”
Yeah, but what about doling out bad laundry advice, Dream Moods? What about putting dry-clean only pants in driers? ARE MY DREAMS OUTSIDE THE REALM OF YOUR EXPERTISE?In most situations, they clearly are.This was the case recently. Last night, I dreamt that the cute guy I always see walking his dog (henceforth known as DWG for Dog Walker Guy) was a gay magician. Then I dreamt I tried macaroons for the first time since it seems like a lot of people I know have recently gone apeshit for them. The result for “magician” was the following:

“To see or dream that you are a magician signifies that an issue or a task at hand may be trickier than you had anticipated. You are feeling disillusioned. Alternatively, the dream means that you are trying to fool yourself or someone into believing something that you know is not true.”

Yeah, but what about dreaming someone else is a magician? Is that person trying to fool me into believing something that is not true? DID I JUST GET INTO DWG’S HEAD LAST NIGHT AND DREAM THE SAME DREAM AS HIM? DID MY MIND JUST GET INCEPTIONED? OR DID DWG JUST INCEPTION MY MIND


Here was the result for “gay:”
“If you are not homosexual in your waking life and dream that you are homosexual represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. If you are uncomfortable with homosexuality in your dream, then it suggests some fears or anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female). You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex.
To dream that the guy you like in real life is gay represents your anxieties and fears that he won’t like you back. By seeing him as gay, then it would be easier for you to dismiss your feelings for him because you have no chance with him. On a side note, it is common for expectant fathers to have dreams of homosexual encounters.

If you are homosexual in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self.”

While the italicized section hit the nail on the head, I’m still at a loss as to how to interpret the gay magician thing. And, as usual, Dream Moods was unhelpful, because a search for “gay magician” returned no results. 

I do remember being disappointed that DWG was a) gay and b) a magician. Actually, I think I was more distraught over him being a magician than gay because magicians seriously annoy me. I’m actually a little bit afraid he’ll turn out be a magician in real life because there would be no worse turn-off than him busting out a card trick. Actually, there areworse turn-offs, like child/animal abusers and crack addicts, but being a magician still ranks up there:

1. Abusing children and/or animals
2. Being a crack head
3. Being a magician
Basically, I look at being a magician as being on the same level as being a crack head and abusing other life forms, which just goes to show you HOW MUCH I HATE MAGICIANS.
“Macaroons” didn’t return any results either, so that probably means I just really want to try macaroons. Which I totally do. In my dreams, they tasted like the love-child of biscotti and chalk; hopefully, they’ll be better in real life. 
So what did I learn from today’s foray into DreamMoods.com? Nothing. Except that I want to try macaroons, which I already knew. Bad form, Dream Moods. Bad form.

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