Today I got to experience something every woman has dreamed of since she was little: I got to have a Disney princess moment. What exactly is a Disney princess moment, you ask? It’s what happens when women watch Disney movies like Cinderella and Snow White when they’re little girls, see scenes like this and decide they want to commune with wild animals in the same fashion. They want random birds to perch on their fingers. They want wild deer to just come up and nuzzle them when they’re outside playing with their friends. They want wise old owls watching over them, so when the evil hyenas come and try to fuck shit up, the owls will orchestrate a plan of attack like this and save the day. ALL WOMEN WANT THIS. Right after meeting their Prince Charming. And today, I got to experience it.
This morning, I met my friend Arleen at Target, our meet-up spot before heading to the beach. On the pavement next to where Arleen parked was a puddle of something red and incredibly sticky, like a melted lollipop. And stuck in that sticky red mess was a bird. No doubt it flew in to check out the puddle, see if it was edible, landed on it, and found itself in a whole heap of trouble. The poor thing kept flapping its wings and getting nowhere. I couldn’t very well continue on my merry little way and just leave it like that, so I bent down, grabbed it, and gently pulled its legs out of the puddle. I then turned to Arleen to see if she wanted to pet it–I mean, how often do you get to hold a wild bird?–but I didn’t have a good grip, and it flew out of my hands, narrowly missing Arleen’s face.
YOU GUYS, I RESCUED A FUCKING BIRD. That is some Cinderella-type shizz. Jealous?