[books i read: fifty shades of grey (pt. 2)]

Hello, and welcome back. For those of you who are new here, I am currently reading Fifty Shades of Grey and blogging my thoughts along the way. I am on page 284. Just a heads up, there will be spoilers, so if you are reading it, or plan to read it, you might want to skip this series. But if you don’t give a crap, then by all means, stay! (If you haven’t already, check out part one here) I should also warn you that these posts are probably not safe for work unless your boss is 1) hella cool or 2) you work from home. Now that all that booshizz is out of the way, let’s begin.
To recap: Our heroine(ish), Ana, meets wealthy entrepreneur Christian Grey when she’s forced to interview him for her college’s student newspaper. Despite the fact that she’s awkward and flustered around him to the point of retardation, Christian still finds her attractive, and deflowers her. Then he does it again. And again. And again. They have a lot of sex, alright? Then Christian throws a kink (see what I did there?) into things by admitting he’s into the BDSM lifestyle (Google it if you don’t know) and wants Ana to sign a contract, agreeing to be his submissive. In the midst of all this, she meets his mom, graduates from college, and gets ready to move to Seattle. Christian tries to sweeten the pot by buying her an expensive car as well as a top-of-the-line MacBook Pro, (which totally works because Ana doesn’t have a whole lot of self-esteem) and she agrees to the contract.

Ana doesn’t own a computer, so Christian lends her one. It’s 2011, and she just graduated college. How did she survive all four years using only the computers at school and debo-ing her roommate’s from time to time? It would be virtually impossible to do all of her schoolwork without owning a computer. What about time limits? What if it’s busy and a computer isn’t available? What if she’s doing a project on society’s relationship with porn and the sites she needs are blocked? I think that if she can afford to go to college, she can afford a computer on which to pound out a few papers.br

This line made me LOL:

“God, I’d like to give you a good hiding. You’d feel a lot better, and so would I…a man can dream, Anastasia.” (pp 198-199)

Maybe this is just me, but I think the things a man says can either add to or take away from his attractiveness. If I were to meet a guy who was successful, ambitious, good-looking, and confident, and then he turned around and said he wanted to spank me, I think that might take his attractiveness level down a few notches, especially when you consider what he could have said instead:

-You’re beautiful.

-I’d like to take you to Paris.

-I love being around you.

-I’m sad when I’m not around you.

-I think about you a lot, and that’s not including the times I picture you naked.

-J. Lo ain’t got nothin’ on you.

-I want you to be the mother of my children.

-You make me into a better person.

The list could go on. But noooo, Christian tells Ana he wants to “give her a good hiding” and she still swoons. The hell?

Ana never eats. Like, ever. She always loses her appetite when she’s around Christian, and it drives me crazy. Christian is rich, so you know homeslice can afford some amazing gourmet food. She really should make the most of it, because when their relationship ends (and you know it will), the only guys she’ll have to choose from are poor college graduates like herself whose idea of a fancy meal is the dinner special at Olive Garden.

Another line that made me LOL: 

“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia.” (p. 256)

I hope I’m never in a situation where the man I’m with says he’d like to “claim my ass,” but if I do find myself there, I’d probably laugh and ask for which country he’d like to claim it before kicking him out (or leaving if we’re in public or at his place). I mean, who says that? This is on the same level as the “I’d like to give you a good hiding” comment, and again, instead of running for the hills like any other normal woman, Ana stays and swoons.

Speaking of asses…

I’ve finally figured out what butt plugs are used for. Not that that’s been a burning desire of mine or anything. It’s not like I stay awake at night saying to myself, “Gee golly, I really wish I knew what butt plugs are used for.” It’s just one of those terms you hear at some point in life and idly wonder what it’s about. You never actually research it, though, for fear of what you might see. But the universe must have looked favorably on me because my idle wondering has been satisfied. Thanks, Fifty Shades of Grey!

…Aaaand that’s where I’m at with the book. I kind of dread the scenes where butt plugs are used. That just doesn’t sound sexy or pleasant.

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