[cinematic titanic vs. rifftrax]

Here we are, kids. The inaugural post on One Random B. No, the blog isn’t completely finished. I’m still tweaking and adding things, and I still have a shit-ton of stuff that needs re-formatting and back-dating. But it’s “done” enough to where I feel comfortable posting and having you fine people take a look around. Just a head-up, if you go back beyond the 2012 posts, I can’t promise it’ll look pretty…or complete.

But screw all that administrative BS. We’ve got more important things to discuss.

I am a huge, HUGE fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I have been ever since my dad brought home a boot-legged copy of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie. Just to clarify, my dad didn’t boot-leg the movie; that makes my family sound incredibly redneck. He borrowed his friend’s boot-legged copy, and then returned it a few days later.

You know what, I think  that actually sounds worse than if he boot-legged the movie himself. Anyway. Moving on.

The point is, I love the shit out of that TV show. How could you not? The premise is so simple, yet so brilliant: a guy gets shot up into space where he’s forced to watch bad movies with his two robot pals. They constantly make fun of the movie as they watch, and the end result is comedic gold. Don’t believe me? Watch the following short, and if you’re not pissing yourself laughing by the time it’s over, then you’re an asshole and we can’t be friends.

Sadly, MST3K is no more, but it does live on in reincarnated forms. I’ve always known about RiffTrax, the brainchild of MST3K alums Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy (the “new cast” for fellow Msties), but yesterday I discovered Cinematic Titanic, which features Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Frank Conniff, and Mary Jo Pehl (the “old cast” for fellow Msties). Both feature cast members from MST3K. Both make fun of movies. YOU GUYS, THE CAST OF MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 SPLIT IN TWO AND NOW THEY’RE COMPETITORS.

It’s an epic battle. A fight to the death. A boxing match between the top two heavyweight champions. My question is, what happened? Did Joel and Mike watch movies one night, crack jokes, and then get into a fight over whose joke was better? Did one then go, “Eff you, I’m starting my own movie joke- making company!” and the other go, “No, EFF YOU, I’M making my own movie joke-making company that’s going to pound yours in the ass so hard, yours won’t be able to sit down for a week!”? And then did the other reply, “Dammit, why do you always have to take it to a weird, gay place and make things awkward?” and then did both continue eating their Sno-Caps in an uncomfortable, angry silence? Was the split as epic as that of Steve Perry and the rest of Journey?

I have no idea. But let’s pretend like the split did happen on hostile terms, and picture RiffTrax and Cinematic Titanic as two fighters about to duke it out. Who would win?

It’s a hard call, dudes. I think both could equally beat the shit out of each other and not throw in the towel. What do you think?


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