When I moved to Tampa, I had visions of bringing all my college friends back to my hometown for a weekend where I would show them my high school, the Walmart…and that would be pretty much it because my hometown is out in BFE. Then, when I actually started making friends, I realized WHEN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO BRING THEM HOME WITH ME?! Seriously, talk about an awkward conversation:
Friend: “So, what do you want to do this weekend?”
Me: “Oh, I know! How about we go to Perry!”
Friend: “Um, Perry?”
Me: “Yeah, where I grew up! About four hours north of here.”
Friend: “What is there to do in Perry?”
Me: “Well, there’s the Walmart…”
So, yeah. To date, the only Tampa friend who has ever come home with me is Ali, and that’s only because she was fresh off a break-up and would do just about anything to get her mind off it. And, yes, we visited “the” Walmart.
Last week, I had an epiphany. I was planning on going home for a long weekend, and I thought, “I know! I’ll go around town and take pictures of various places and post them on this blog! Give my friends who are not from Perry a virtual tour! Gee, I am so smart!” The thought that people might not give a shit didn’t really cross my mind, although it was probably the reality. But almost immediately after coming up with my plan, I completely forgot about it, and failed to take pictures, rendering the whole, “will anybody care?” problem moot anyway.
…Or did it?
Friends, I had another epiphany: I’ll just Google Image search pictures of Perry and copy/paste them here, resulting in quite possibly the world’s laziest virtual tour! But that’s what we do here at One Random B. When we can’t reach the bar we set for ourselves, we just lower it and try to ignore the subsequent shame and humiliation (which is what I’ll be doing after publishing this post, as I have had hella writer’s block and am scraping the bottom of the barrel here). So without further ado…
Perry: A Virtual Tour
That’s pretty much it. I’d include a picture of the Walmart, but legend has it you can’t look directly at it lest your eyes burn out of your skull and your head explode from the everyday low prices.
Guys, I’m sorry for this post. This is me really reaching for something to write about since my last post, which was around a week or so ago. Watch the best of Tobias Funke and come back in a couple of days. Maybe I’ll have something better up.