This is all the crap I forgot to include in last night’s post.
1. Over the weekend, I met up with my friend K, and after sharing our discontent with certain elements in our lives, decided our new life goal should be to marry rich men so we can be stay at home housewives. I could so totally rock that job. Every day would be Casual Friday. I could make it to happy hour on time. I would throw shit in a crock pot so hubby would have a hot meal to come home to while I’m out at happy hour. I could pretend like blogging is my actual job. Any eligible bachelors out there, I am taking applications.
2. I finally learned how to wear my hair wavy to where it actually looks good instead of like a rat’s nest. You guys, this is big news. I’ve had wavy hair since I was 21, when my genetics decided to screw around with me and give me a WTF?! texture to work with. And ever since then, I’ve either resorted to straightening it, blowing it out, or wearing it as a rat’s nest and deluding myself into thinking it didn’t look that bad. I could not find any help on how to style it wavy. There were plenty of tips for curly hair. There were plenty of how-to’s for creating waves if you didn’t have them already. But none for how to style them if your hair was naturally that way. Enter my co-worker, Michelle, who suggested I either twist or braid my hair before going to bed since that would help it from frizzing. So I followed her advice. I wash my hair at night. When it’s damp, I put in leave-in conditioner, and some stuff I bought at the salon that’s like a heat protectant/anti-frizz lotion. Then I let it air-dry. Then I twist it into two pigtails before I go to sleep. (I tried braiding it, but the braids made it look too crinkly. The twists help the waves keep their natural shape, I feel.) Then, when I wake up in the morning, take the twists out, spray my hair with some shit that makes it look shiny and also protects against frizz, use a hair pick to comb through it, and bada-bing, bada-boom, I’m rocking waves that don’t make me look like so much of a hot mess. There’s still some frizzing, but it gives my hair the Julia-Roberts-in-Pretty-Woman look or the 2001-Shakira look, so it’s the good kind of frizz. Me likey. Watch, now that I’ve finally figured out how to properly style my hair, my genetics are going to switch it up on me again. Eff you, genetics.
3. When I first started running back in July, I listened to talk radio. I found that it gave my brain something to focus on and follow instead of just allowing it to zone out to music, where my thoughts would eventually wander to, “Holy Jeebus, how much longer is this effing workout?!” But recently talk radio stopped working for me. The people’s voices were just too calm and I couldn’t keep focus, and my thoughts did indeed wander to, “SERIOUSLY, HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS MOTHER EFFING WORKOUT?!” So I switched back to music. You guys, music is so much more fun. I can lip-synch and pretend like I’m in Glee. I can pretend like I’m in a movie montage and whatever song is playing is my soundtrack. Sometimes I incorporate hand-motions. Sometimes I throw up a celebratory fist-pump whenever I’m almost done and a victorious song comes on. In short, I entertain myself for however many miles I have to run. I probably look like I’m schizophrenic, but IT’S WHAT GETS ME THROUGH, OKAY?! Just run or walk faster if I creep you out.
I will close this post with Chapter 1 of R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet series to honor the new chapter that just came out. Better catch up, y’all.
P.S. Does the fact that the new chapters will be on IFC take Trapped in the Closet to hipster status?