[the book of joel]

Protestants are all about the memorization. I should know. I used to be one.
As a teenager, my youth pastor would encourage us to memorize scripture so that if we ever got into a debate with a heathen, we’d have an arsenal of rapid-fire responses at our fingertips, which would surely cause that poor soul to see the light and save themselves an eternal baptism by the fires of Hell. BAM! You just got pwned by Jesus!

When I was a kid, my Sunday School teacher taught us a little ditty that was supposed to help us memorize the books of the Bible. Clearly, I didn’t pay attention, because today I learned that there is a book called Joel.

In all honesty, I probably knew about Joel; I mean, at some point in my spiritual development, I had to have run across a passage from it. Maybe I just forgot I knew about it, which isn’t all that uncommon. I’ve seen entire movies that I had completely forgotten I’d watched, and I couldn’t tell you one thing about them (Exhibits A and B). Or else I have a serious brain disorder that I need to get checked out ASAP.

But back to Joel. Whether I knew about the book and forgot I knew about the book, or I honestly had no idea the book existed in the first place, it was news to me when I found out about it. And then I immediately thought of this guy:

MS3K pic

So now I can’t think of the Book of Joel without associating it with Joel Hodgson, and I don’t want to read it because I’m disappointed that it isn’t about Joel Hodgson. Because a book in the Bible dedicated to the dude from Mystery Science Theater 3000 would be hilarious, and I prefer to think that it’s about him and the robots, even though I know it isn’t.

If you have no earthly idea who I’m talking about, bless your little ignorant heart. Watch the below and thank me later:


Obligatory disclaimer: Of course, this is a playful, tongue-in-cheek jab at Protestants. I do not hate Protestants; I am friends with several and know many more, and I know them to be genuine, devout people. And a large part of my spiritual journey was made as a Protestant, so big ups to them all.

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