[publix gasparilla distance classic 5k: the expo]

I actually have another post in the works about my more collected, more coherent thoughts on dinosaur porn, but that will have to wait because TOMORROW I’M RUNNING THE PUBLIX GASPARILLA DISTANCE CLASSIC 5K AND I’M SUPER EXCITED TO RECAP EVERYTHING! CAPS LOOOOOCCCKKK! So calm down and check back in a few  days for the discussion on the dino porn, ’cause I know y’all are just dying to talk about prehistoric reptiles and sex some mo’.  But right now, let’s focus on the expo part of the race weekend.
I stopped by the race expo on my way home from work to pick up my bib and race goodies. Something about me: I LOVE race expos. Love. Them. It’s just so exciting to come together with other runners to pick up what you need for your race, and explore what all the health and fitness community has to offer. You can buy running clothes. You can buy running shoes. You can get a massage. And, most important, you can load up on free shit. The race expo is your oyster.

The expo was held at the convention center downtown, a place I had never been to despite living in Tampa for 10 years. It had been threatening to rain all day, and sure enough, by the time I parked, it was raining. It was a little heavier than a sprinkle, but it wasn’t an outright downpour. However, it was sufficient enough to wet me thoroughly, make my hair look like a giant frizz ball, and cause my mascara to run. Not to mention the fact that the “shortcut” I took down the riverwalk was actually longer than just sticking to the main streets and dealing with a couple of lights. Go me.

However, I did manage to snap a pic of the Gasparilla pirate ship that will probably be whored out tomorrow in all its finery:


I was very impressed with the expo execution (say that three times fast!). Everything was clearly marked, and there were plenty of volunteers around to answer questions. It wasn’t overly crowded, and for being a smaller hometown race, it had a wide variety of vendors. I was able to pick up my bib and swag bag without a hitch.




In addition to the tech tee, tote, coupon, and race program, there was also this, which I think–I think— is a shitty mousepad, but I’m not entirely sure. I tested it out when I got home, and my mouse does move on it okay, so I’m going to say it’s a shitty mousepad. Either way, it’s coming with me to work to serve in that function, because I don’t currently have one.


After picking up my goodies, I browsed around for a bit, hoping to score some aforementioned free goodness. I sampled some organic orange juice, and ate what I think is a protein bar-type of waffle cookie. I kept seeing people eat what looked like delicious Greek yogurt treats, but after walking the entirety of the expo and seeing nothing of the sort, I deemed it a cruel illusion and moved on with my life. But not before scoring a little tupperware bowl and a small carton of ciggies from Publix!


At first I was all, “Wow, cigarettes, that’s ballsy,” but then I looked a little closer and realized it was a box of raisins. And then when I got ready to eat said raisins, I found out that it was actually a stack of “Mealtime Health and Wellness Conversation Cards,” whatever the hell those are. It’s literally a stack of cards with factoids about fruit n’ shit. You can’t play poker with them. You can’t play Uno with them. In fact, I have no idea what you are supposed to use them for, other than to whip them out at parties and  shame people who are eating 2,000-calorie 7-layer dip and swilling back rum and cokes. So basically, you can use them to be an asshole to others. Thanks a lot, Publix. There are now several hundred more assholes roaming the streets.


And in a stunning display of irony…


Because everybody knows that nothing fuels your body for distance running better than Big Macs.

I did end up purchasing a few goodies, though, like a new armband. The one I had been using I bought on Amazon a little over a year ago for $3.99. Its lifespan would have been less than a year had it not been for my sheer determination to get more wear out of it, including a willingness to hold my right arm a ninety-degree angle whilst running. In short: it was time. So I plunked down an extra 16 bucks this go-round and got an armband with solid construction, and zips so my phone is more protected (and I can put in extras, like my apartment key and debit card).


I also got some sweet pirate head gear that hopefully will make me look like a badass and a real runner:


Now all that’s left to do is wear my Doctor Scholls  old lady compression socks and get a good night’s sleep. For I run to’morrow mornin’ at 9:30a.m. ARRRRGGGGHHHH!

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