[tips for dealing with the maid of honor]

Hey guys. Remember me? I used to write a little blog called One Random B. You might have read it once or twice.
I know I haven’t been on here much. The month of May was super busy! T.O., who has been away at school for the past few months, was in town for the entire month, and for the past two weeks, I was caught up in a whirlwind of wedding activities. I was the Maid of Honor (MOH).

I have only been a MOH in one other wedding, and that was for an estranged friend when I was either 16 or 17. Pretty much all I remember doing was going to the bridal shower and showing up to the actual wedding, wearing the dress the bride bought me.

Hoo-wee, am I rusty! SO MUCH has changed since my last rodeo, so I thought it might be helpful to put together a list of what to do (and not do) in dealing with the MOH for bridal parties everywhere, from the bridesmaids all the way up to the bride  (and for fellow MOH’s who might not have known what it all entails). So I present to you:

Friendly Tips in Dealing With the Maid of Honor

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1. DO volunteer her to take another bridesmaid and her husband to the airport at 4a.m. the morning after the wedding. If you can put her on the spot in front of everybody, even better. DON’T ask her if this is something she can, or even wants, to do. Even though this isn’t her wedding OR her guests, everybody knows the MOH is responsible for bridal party travel arrangements. Besides, what else is she going to do? Go out and enjoy herself after the reception? Sleep? She can sleep when she’s dead!

2. And if you are that bridesmaid who needs transport to the airport, DON’T, under any circumstances, offer to take a taxi or otherwise figure it out yourself. I mean, WHO CAN RESIST getting up at 4 in the morning? That MOH should be kissing your goddamn feet for providing her with such an opportunity! Think of everything she’ll be able to accomplish in her day by getting up that early! Your early flight is her ticket to success.

3. When the MOH inevitably backs out of being your taxi cab with a weak (and probably made up) story about having to take an out-of-town friend/wedding guest early to Tampa International Airport just so she can go out after the wedding and enjoy herself without any drama, absolutely DO push back and ask her friend the time of her flight and why she has to leave. You know they’re lying. The holes in their story are about as big as those in the ozone layer. And, dammit, you HAVE THE RIGHT to call them out on it! And even if it WERE true, HOW DARE the MOH choose to take HER friend to the airport over YOU? YOU ARE A BRIDESMAID, GODDAMMIT. You are BIG TIME.

4. Also, when the MOH offers to give you thirty bucks for cab fare and tip out of guilt for “leaving you in the lurch” regarding a situation she was put on the spot to get into in the first place, DO take it. Even though you’re married and enjoying the benefits of a dual income and could probably cough up the money, HOP ON THAT GRAVY TRAIN BEFORE IT DEPARTS THE STATION. Sure, it’s not really HER problem to get you and your hubby to the airport (it never was). And, yes, she’s partially to blame for bringing this onto herself  by offering the cash up in the first place, just trying to navigate an awkward social situation she was forced into in the most kind and graceful way possible. But is that YOUR problem? FUCK. NO. Take advantage of that shit! Take the money and run.

5. When you see that the MOH was smart enough to grab a burger en route to the wedding site after the hair appointment, DO demand she make an extra trip to get you food as well. The best part of this tip? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE THE BRIDE! Sure, your stomach’s a-rumblin’. Sure, the bride will be bringing some light snacks and mimosas shortly. But you also know that won’t be enough to tide you over until the reception, and silly you–you didn’t even think to stop and grab a sandwich somewhere. No problem! Get the MOH to get your food for you! Make sure to be extra demanding and rude to her for not thinking to get you food in the first place. That bitch needs to know that her assumption that hungry people will feed themselves is just GODDAMN LUDICROUS. Bonus points if you give her both a card and cash to place separate orders.

If you’re in a bridal party this year or in the future, revert back to these tips often. Doing so will ensure that the bride AND fellow bridesmaids will benefit from the MOH’s services. Just ignore the crying in the bathroom. She’ll get over it.*

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Have you ever dealt with bad bridal party behavior? Share your story in the comment section below!

*No, I did not actually cry in the bathroom.

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