2019 Lameness and Resolutions

I almost considered leaving the title of this post as just “2019” as I couldn’t be bothered to come up with something witty. Then I tacked on the rest because I felt like it still needed some sort of descriptor. Still not witty, but they can’t all be winners. And that’s the winning attitude I choose to start 2019 with!

winning

Actually, my 2019 didn’t start out half bad. Today was the first day of my 15K training, so I went for a run, had breakfast, and took my Christmas decorations down. #Productive However, I was a lamebot in closing out 2018. My plan was to splurge and order a pizza, have a beer or two, and watch the ball drop, like always. Not that that’s all that great and exciting to begin with, but last night was a new low. After being on a high protein, low-carb medically supervised diet for some time, I couldn’t bring myself to order that pizza, so I had leftover Koren-adjacent ground beef and riced cauliflower. I did have a beer, but it gave me a headache, and I ended up going to bed at 10:30. It’s true what they say: the more you exercise your willpower, the easier it gets. Fuck my healthy, old lady habits sometimes.

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Anyway, here are my resolutions for 2019:

Have Rascal Lose Some Weight

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Poor Rascal. When we adopted him he was a svelte 19 pounds. Now our little chub chub is topping the scale at 27 pounds. When he hit 25 pounds, my husband and I re-evaluated our feeding habits and realized we were overfeeding him. On top of that, the sneaky sneak would chow down on Ava’s food whenever her back was turned. We started to feed him the recommended serving size for a dog of 20 pounds (with a small gravy topper) and made sure that if Ava wasn’t actively eating her food, it would be put out of reach of our little eating machine.

He gained 2 more pounds.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s neutered and his metabolism is slower, or we’re still feeding him too much. I asked the vet what a good weight for him was, and the vet was pretty much like, “Well, if his ribs start to poke through, he’s too skinny.”

you're a big help

 

So now I have him on a cup of kibble a day (same as Ava), NO gravy topper, and smaller treats to see if that will help him lose weight. Unfortunately, he has the same metabolism as his female human. If we so much as THINK about treats, we’ll gain 10 pounds. What a life.

ididnt-mean-to-gain-weight-it-happened-by-snacksident-22196484

Learn How to Dress Better

I’m 35. It’s time I learned how to dress myself. Part of the problem is that I would rather spend my money on makeup and perfume (shameless plug: checkout my new podcast, Frag Chat with the Fragrance Chick) than clothes. The other part is that I live in Florida, and it gets so HOTTTTT. The last thing I want to do is expend extra energy picking out an outfit because I’d sweat through it immediately. I’d probably start sweating WHILE picking out the outfit, damning myself from the get-go. So I strive to wear as little clothes as possible while still being comfortable and legal, which means tank tops and shorts. Or jeans. At work, it’s a sleeveless blouse with a cardigan and nicer jeans. Recently I have been mixing in dresses because I finally found some at Old Navy that were comfortable, affordable, AND flattering, so you know a bitch bought, like 5. But still. I see girls at work and friends online put together these cute outfits with the shoes, and the bracelets, and the necklaces, and I’m just like:

why can't that be me

So I am going to strive to put more effort into my lewks in 2019. I think the first step is to clean out my closet and make a Goodwill donation haul.

Get Better at Decorating My House

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I’m not ready to tackle that just yet. Wainscoting? Crown moulding? Wat? LOLZ

Just writing these out is starting to make me sweat with anxiety. What are your goals for 2019?

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