Two weeks ago, I went with some friends to see Rachel Hollis presents: Made For More. While I took more away from the documentary than I thought I would, this post will not be about the movie. It will be about the snacks.
As I mentioned on my podcast, I have been on a medically supervised low carb, high protein weight loss program called The Zone. (But not that other Zone. They just call it that, but I feel I must clarify that I’m not following some fad diet; I do bi-weekly weigh-ins with my doctor, go over how much water I’m retaining and muscle I’m building and other stats, get a vitamin shot in my ass, it’s a whole thing.) Basically, I didn’t really know how to eat, and “treat yoself” kind of turned into my daily diet. I loved carbs, as did my body, because it kept turning them into fat and refused to burn off the damn things. Now that I get my carbs mainly through fruits and vegetables and eat protein like it’s my friggin’ job, I feel so much better (no lethargy!), no longer look like I’m 6 months pregnant all the time, and am down 19 pounds so far. Not too shabby. However, I do still allow myself indulgences from time to time. Last week’s movie was one of those times.
Normally, I’m not a huge movie snacker, primarily because I’m cheap and refuse to spend the $100 on popcorn, candy, and soda at the theater. When I do snack, I usually hit up Walgreens before, get in on that 2 for $2 movie candy deal they always have going, pick up my trusty Sno Caps and Milk Duds, and then fork over the $25 for a Coke at the movie theater. However, this time was different. This time, I thought, what the hell, Imma get a snack. At AMC.
Since the AMC I went to didn’t carry Sno Caps, the sweet-or-savory debate I’d been having in my mind had kind of been solved for me. I decided I would get a popcorn and soda. At the last minute, I saw a bag of M&Ms and added them on a lark. I thought I would try a snacking trick I had only heard about (but never executed) up until this moment: mixing in M&Ms with popcorn. I know, I know, I know, right?! Who am I, forking over $257 on movie snacks?!
Ask me if it was worth it. Go on, ask. I’ll wait.
YES, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY MOTHERFUCKING WORTH IT.
The buttery, salty goodness of the popcorn was complemented by the chocolatey sweetness of the candy, and I felt like my mouth and tastebuds were having an orgasm. If my life were a video game, this snack would have netted me like, a million of those rings on Sonic the Hedgehog and leveled me up 10 worlds. This level of snacking was so good, I felt like it elevated me to a different fucking reality – especially when I got to the M&M pieces that had been in the popcorn for some time and had turned all soft.
If you thought I was going to get violently ill and rail against the dangers of trans fats and that I deeply regretted going off my diet momentarily, nah bro. Sorry to break it to you. Unhealthy food tastes good. It’s just a matter of fact. That’s why it’s so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose it. But if you’re like me and are in the process of overhauling your diet but want to still play in the seedy underbelly from time to time – I am here to tell you that you can find God in a snack. Because I found Jesus that night, and repented of all my sins.
And all God’s people say – Amen.